i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
