I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
