i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
