its not stalking. its research.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
