I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
