Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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