I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
