8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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