I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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