new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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