Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
