Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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