Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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