i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
