If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
