My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize