Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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