K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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