you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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