Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
