Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
