girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You are the jesus of drinking
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize