My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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