2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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