I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
