WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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