they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
