we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
