i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize