You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
