Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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