I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
