Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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