oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
