drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
