I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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