im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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