Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
