tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
