Princesses don't give blow jobs
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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