Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
