i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
50% drunk capacity currently
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
