my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
