She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
