STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
