Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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