Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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