hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
