I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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