I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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