he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
