i think my tv is drunk
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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