Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
