The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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