6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I need water and some morals
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
