He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
