Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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