How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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