he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
