the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
