I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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