K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
