NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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