I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
