Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
