oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
