My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
